Revised questionnaire and biography:
Species? Cat- dog
Gender? Female
Hair, fur, scales or skin color? Fur
Tattoos, piercings, scars, horns? tail? wings? other anomalies? Tail was singed off after being on hot pavement.
Eyes? How many, what color? Two eyes- bright yellow.
Head shape? Triangular
Ear shape? Triangular
Teeth? What kind? Average teeth- resemble more of a dogs fangs.
General size? 2 feet tall.
Style? All black fur on her face, blonde colored paws.
Opacity? Fully opaque
Skeletal structure? Dog skeletal structure with cat face
Full name? Cornelia Willow danger stein
Age? 28
Zodiac Sign? Cancer
3 fears? Hugging, oat milk, and vegetables
3 things they love? Barbecue potato chips, leather couches, and blood
4 turn ons? Mean people, milk, maple syrup, and frosting
4 turn offs? Nice people, peanut butter, Katie couric, and cardigans
Best friend? A snake named Billy
Sexual orientation? Asexual
Favorite color? Red
Current obsession? Animal Kingdom or the game War Zone
Favorite quote? “That which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”
Favorite place? Her bed or leather couch
Favorite music? The Cramps or Slayer
Daily routine? Wake up, eat, sleep, do lab research, eat, play war zone till dawn, then sleep.
Favorite Food? Marshmallows
Someone they love? The boy who fights with her
Someone they hate? The girl who tries to pick her up and cuddle her
Current relationship status? Single and never ready to mingle
Relationship with their parents? N/A- parents and siblings are deceased
Children? One child, who she bosses around
Favorite season? Summer
Good or Evil? Evil
What they did during quarantine? Slept, ate barbecue potato chips, catfished people, played war zone and tattooed people
Their main addiction? Nicotine or alcohol
Their profession? Sleeping and world domination
Their education? Life
Where they grew up? Nashville, Tennessee
Best 2 personality traits? Loyal and smart
2 worst personality traits? Mean and volatile
Religion? Worships the food bowl and Hannibal Lecter
Their pet(s)? A succulent that she chews on named bacon and her human subjects.
Their weapon of choice? Claws or fangs
Their mission or purpose for existing? Wreak havoc on society
Their kryptonite? A bag of Doritos or potato chips
Willow Cornelia danger stein is a cat-dog that frequently gets mistaken for cat if looking at her face or a dog if looking at her paws. Her fur is black and velvety soft, while her eyes are bright yellow. Her paws are a combination of chihuahua paws in the front and labrador puppy hind legs( they never grew past the puppy stage). She was born at a Volvo dealership in nashville, Tennessee, and was orphaned from the age of six weeks old, after her family died from eating chocolate. She was adopted shortly after drinking radioactive milk by a family of humans, who had a pantry filled with Doritos and potato chips. Her dreams revolve around someday taking over the Doritos factory for herself. After being accepted at almost every mad scientist lab to learn the tips of the trade, she decided to take a different path and do a living experiment with her own humans. She now uses her skills of wreaking havoc on society for her hobby, the game war zone where she torments children and adults alike by glitching their games and messing with their internet processing speed. She is hard at work on her experiment to take over the world, when she is not lazily eating or sleeping.When she’s not tormenting gamers, her favorite activities include napping, eating doritos, and harassing her family for milk. Her favorite season is summer, because she is able to capture and make her friend, Billy the snake, help her put firecrackers in the neighborhood children’s barbies and GI Joes. Her zodiac sign shows that she is a cancer, but she hates when people talk about astrology. Her role models are Anna Wintour, Darth Vader, and Dr. Evil. Whenever she finds herself failing in achieving her goal of sparking misery within her family, she watches the tv show, American Horror Story. She has a daughter named Vermillion that she manipulates into never leaving her. She is most self-conscious about her chihuahua paws, and dreams of one day having surgery to replace the paws.
Follow her rantings and monologue at:
Monologue can also be found here:
Written Transcript of Monologue:
Greetings stupid people,
If you don’t know me now, you will know me soon. My name is Cornelia Willow Dangerstein and after this message, you will realize how important I am to you. Mwahahah eh cough furball. First let me give you a little backstory into my life, I know we are all too busy to listen to anything other than what’s seen on celebrities instagram’s, but today you will listen to my memories. As a kitten, I lived underneath a car at the Volvo dealership, after my mother and siblings died catastrophically- they decided to ingest chocolate. One day I decided to wander into an abandoned warehouse in search of food, to my surprise, I found a bottle of milk. I broke the milk bottle open, and ingested the milk, but miraculously I saw my new self take shape from this radioactive milk. I became sentient, I could talk, understand dumb human speak, and feel the meaning behind their words. When I returned home to my Volvo dealership, a family saw me and took pity on the seemingly sweet harmless kitten- fools- just shows how little they know… Over the course of three years I have watched and studied their every movement, twitch, or minuscule expression. During this time of lab work, I have noticed a universality of sorts, a flaw, a weakness that has inspired my plans. Coffee, the stinky, disgusting brown liquid is part of every household. I smell it every morning in my own fucking household- this will soon change. That coffee is your down fall, as we speak the coffee you drank this morning, is now taking effect. That bougie designer coffee or nonfat soy venti caramel latte was filled with nanobots, my nanobots. In other words, in your face Elon Musk. These nanobots will control your every movement, thought, and outfit choices( please no more crop tops with cliche sayings). Let me tell you, my life has changed for the better so far- this morning I woke up to a bowl of Jack Daniels, a brand new ash tray on the table, and a pantry full of Doritos. I even arranged for my human servants to buy me this new couch- not to brag or anything but it’s the one behind me, perfect for sharpening my nails. No more dried kibbles that smell like feet, in the shape of little fish or triangles. Welcome to my world, servants.
I decided not to make her hands move, because I wanted it to be more of a serious, but funny monologue. This video shows her hand moving though.
Comments